Is it Worth it?
by Virgoleo23
Summary: Being best friends came naturally to us. When we got together, we assumed it would be just that, natural. But really, I was just stumbling around with a blindfold on, hoping you'd show me where to go. I didn't realize that you were blindfolded as well.


**A/N: Hey, it's my first Fanfiction EVER! I wrote this at like 1:00 in the morning, so I'm sorry if it's garbage. The idea behind this Fanfic is about friendship and relationships, and how you might not always be ready for love. I've read like 1,000,000 fics where Sam and Freddie get together and all of a sudden they're declaring their love for each other. It just seems kind of premature, I need more development before that happens. I'm planning to keep this as a oneshot, but if you think I should make it longer, then REVIEW and tell me! Hope you like it.**

**THIS IS AN UPDATE! After I reread this fic, I found some things I really wanted to change about the beginning. Sorry if you already read it.****  
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**Disclaimer: I disclaim  
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**Freddie's POV:**

"This isn't working" The words fell from my mouth as if they had been pushed over the brink of my lips. I almost winced visibly at the fatigue and uncertainty in my voice. The defeat in my tone was unsettling.

No, it wasn't that. It was the familiarity.

What had always coated my words in laughter or strength, or even dear, blessed sarcasm, had been muted until it couldn't even find enough substance to form a sentence without cracking. It startled me at how broken I sounded.

She started up at the sudden presence of noise, and glanced up at my frame in the doorway. She hadn't noticed my arrival. She offered me a watery smile and absentmindedly patted a seat beside her by the window, beckoning for me to come. I slipped even further into my somber state as I realized that her eyes didn't even hold a spark of curiosity for my foreboding words. She knew this was coming.

A few brisk steps brought me to her side, she had been dozing by the window, which shouldn't seem too uncharacteristic of her. She loved to sleep. But before, if she wanted to remove herself from the land of the conscious, she made positively sure that this fact be well known. She'd get in your face, snore in the middle of your conversation if your unworthy words couldn't hold her interest, fling herself in the most impossible, inconvenient angles and places and unleash nothing short of all hell if you so much as dared to attempt to wake her. She could demand more attention doing nothing than anyone I've ever known. It was gorgeous. And I had loved her for it.

Samantha Puckett didn't doze.

She gently took my hand and sighed, staring out the window at the gray clouds hanging low in the sky. Funny, Seattle weather was always either sunny and clear, or swept up in thundering monsoons. Living here you learned to love both. It was never just gray. Nothing ever used to be.  
She drew her eyes back to mine and waited, I knew I'd have to make the first move. We both knew exactly what our problem was, this should be easy. But my worn-out voice was left grasping for syllables.

"We're hurting ourselves" I choked out finally "The best thing that's ever happened to us and we're screwing it up."  
She nodded, her mouth set grim,

"I know."

We had both known. But now the words were out there, and they couldn't be taken back. It was becoming real.  
She spoke up, her tired tone matching mine.

"I've been lying to myself about it. I thought if I told myself it was all in my head, maybe I'd wake up one morning and it would be gone."

"I know. I have too."  
She turned to face me, her expression more honest than I've ever seen it in all the years I've known her.

"What do you think happened?" she asked.  
I sat back, drowned in thought.

"I think...I think we were always meant to be pitted against each other. You were always homicidal towards me, and I was always homicidal towards you. So I guess when you and me became us, we turned...suicidal in a way." The old Sam would have sneered at my dark mentality. The old Sam was long gone.

"You guess so?"  
"Yeah..." I trailed off lamely.

"But what changed, Freddie? When did it all stop coming naturally and deteriorate into...this?"  
I looked into her eyes and held her gaze, taking in how delicate and frail she looked. Like she could break at any moment. But you can't break what's already broken.  
I braced myself slightly, this was going to be painful.

"We stopped being best friends." The realization that dawned wasn't going to close any wounds between us. But we needed to bleed before we could heal.

"What do you mean?"

"You were my best friend before you were my girlfriend, Sam. We pulled crazy stunts and did stupid things, we got ourselves into trouble, and got each other out of trouble. We counted clouds and snuck into movies and waged water fights in the park. And we laughed, so much." It was a blissful time, laughter seemed so foreign now. "We insulted each other, got up in each other's faces, drove each other absolutely insane. We stopped doing that. That's what changed."  
She stayed silent, prompting me to continue. I did.  
I breathed in deeply and stared at the floor.

"We learned to love each other as best friends, Sam. We started to _like_ each other as best friends. We were enemies and sidekicks at the same time. But all of that vanished when we got together, and...until I find my best friend again, Sam, I don't think I can ever be _in_ love with you." I sighed, putting my head in my hands. It hurt so much to say.  
I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Freddie." I looked up at her. "I needed to hear that."  
It was her turn to talk now, and I was more than willing to listen.

"As twisted and demented as this sounds, that actually helped me more than you realize." She slumped back in her seat. "I just kept asking myself _how?_ I had no idea why we were becoming what we are, but I think I get it now. Neither of us knew how to fall in love. Being best friends was what we were used to, it came naturally to us. When we got together, we assumed it would be just that, natural. I assumed that. But really, I was just stumbling around with a blindfold on, hoping you'd show me where to go. I was so caught up in following your lead that I didn't realize that you were blindfolded as well. So we both kept staggering along blindly trying to be something that neither of us were."

It might not have made me feel much better, but how much her words clarified the tension between us was reassuring. It was out in the open. It had a name now and could be attacked. I cut into her speech, nodding.

"We were lost, and it wasn't natural for us. That scared us, and we started losing each other the more we tried to hold on. Maybe we tried so hard to be Sam and Freddie, that I lost sight of Freddie. And you lost sight of Sam."  
I could see she agreed.

"Probably. You never mess around with your tech stuff anymore." she lamented wistfully. I deflated a little, wanting her so badly to call my hobbies nubby, or call _me_ a nub, nerd, dork, chump, anything. But that had died out with our friendship.

"And you've never gone so long without insulting me before." I added. "I miss that."

She glanced up, surprised, "You do?"

"So much."

"I miss your tech talk too. I wish more than anything that things were back the way they used to be."

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"They can."

"I know, but it seems so paradoxical to lose you in order to get you back."

"We always were weird ones. And you're not losing me. We have nothing left to lose. Think of it as finding your old friend again. Your old best friend that you haven't seen for a while." That made her smile. I haven't seen her smile, truly smile, in ages. It gave me hope. We both sat there for a while, taking it all in. Taking a minute to realize that everything was about to change for us. Again. Maybe it was just what we needed.

"So what do we do now?" she asked, her eyes reflecting how deep in context she placed the question.

"We need to let go, and learn how to love." I said. "Maybe we weren't ready just yet. We should go out and make our own mistakes and figure out some stuff we haven't realized just yet. Maybe then we could try again and do this thing right." The prospect of tomorrows was filling me with so much hope that my faith-deprived vacuum of a heart was going haywire. "But, if not, I still want you to always stay my best friend. I can't lose that again. I already lost it once, and God knows I've wanted it back since the second it was gone."  
She nodded, if we were ever going to work, we needed to rebuild our friendship before we could ever be in a healthy relationship. I stood up and offered her my hand. She threaded hers through mine and hoisted herself up. She didn't let go as she wrapped her free arm around my neck. She didn't let go as I looped my arms around her thin waist and held her close to me. She didn't even let go when I tilted up her chin or when her lips met mine not-so-delicately. There was nothing left to break anyway.  
Only after we came up for air did she slip her hand out of mine and trade it for a punch to my shoulder. At that moment she looked more beautiful than I've seen in months. I think I even saw the beginnings of a smirk on her face as she walked to my door. I didn't follow her, I had to let her go. That tiny smirk made me want her back ten thousand times more, but I didn't stop her as she reached the doorway. I've come to understand that by having her, I lost her. And I'd rather have her, all of her, in my life than have a shell of her all to myself.  
She turned the knob, and pulled open the door, but something made her hesitate. Maybe it was the storm that had thundered to life outside as we talked. But neither of us minded, we were never ones for clear weather anyway. She turned.

"Maybe I'll see you at Carly's later, Freddork" she said quietly before slipping into the hallway.

I felt my heart swell up in my chest.  
And I swore, as I called out goodbye to her, I detected, in my tired, shattered voice, the beginnings of a laugh.

And it was worth it.

**That was kind of dark for me, FYI. But it ends on a note of hope! And paradoxical is actually a word. It sounds funny though.  
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**And I judge stories based on reviews, so please tell me if it was any good, or (nicely) if it stunk. Or if I should make it multichap.  
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**I refuse to beg. **

**But please? ;D**

**PS: If you are confused about the plot, or think that Sam and Freddie don't like each other anymore, then check out the comment I made in the reviews explaining my point. Right after you (hopefully) review!  
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